Sexuality

[Eke]

I will be discussing somewhat explicit topics (without going into detail) in this post so if you feel sensitive to that kind of stuff, don't read.

It's been like a good 1.5 years since I last posted here I think. I legitimately think sexuality and gender are extremely interesting topics and whilst I often wish I could just easily confine myself into a simple category, I'm in some ways also glad that these days we have so much more knowledge on these topics and sharing your experiences and finding out you're not alone is easier than ever. I can imagine that for someone feeling confusing feelings in the same way I do now things were a lot more difficult even 10-15 years ago.

I tend to just do this kind of "soul searching" a lot and the only reason I post here is because it's just good to get my thoughts and feelings and experiences all into one post. I guess it's kind of like a diary or blog for me, except I'd never keep up with either of those so this thread will have to suffice.

This time I mostly want to explore my feelings on asexuality and the way I've gone back and forth (and back and forth) on identifying myself on the ace spectrum. I've always felt like maybe I fit somewhere on the spectrum, but I guess what I've seen asexuality as is just a lack of any kind of sexual attraction, and that's why I never really thought I'd want to call myself asexual. Because I knew I felt sexual attraction. So therefore, I cannot possibly be on the ace spectrum? But the word "spectrum" is key here, just like everything else, feeling or not feeling sexual attraction is absolutely not binary. And I guess whilst I do feel sexual attraction, my actual desire to have sex is pretty much close to zero. I'm sure some people would want to dismiss that and tell me that I only feel like that because I haven't had sex yet. And in fact that's what I used to tell myself for a long time, that I would enjoy sex once I gave it a try. But the issue is that I just know that I don't want to have sex. And maybe that will still change in the future, I don't know, but what I know is that kind of feeling has been in the back of my mind for a very long time, it's just that when I was younger I didn't think of it as much because people around me were younger as well and so the thought of having sex at all seemed off back then. But now that I'm an adult and most of the people I know have had sex already, it becomes weird.

Without really looking into this and knowing about greysexuality as being somewhere in the middle of full and no sexual attraction, I kind of jumped on that label as an easy way to address how I was feeling for a while, in my head at least, but I happened to stumble upon a Reddit post today in which the poster quite clearly described the way I feel about the situation as well: they, just like me, have little to no interest in actual sex, but feel sexual urges, as well as a lot of other things I just felt like I really related to. No reason to go into detail here but I'm quite sure it's clear what "urges" entail.

Either way, one of the replies to that thread suggested the label autochorissexuality or aegosexuality, and while I think these two words are pretty ugly and I wouldn't want to necessarily use either to describe myself, the characteristics of these two sexualities fit me essentially to the tee:

- Get aroused by sexual content but not actually want to engage in any sexual activities
- Masturbate, but are neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.
- Fantasize about sex, but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as though they're watching it on TV, rather than imagining it in first person, through their own eyes.
- Predominantly or entirely fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities, rather than people in real life they know.
- Identify as asexual and feel no sexual attraction to people, but enjoy masturbating, are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or have sexual fantasies.

I suppose the only one of these I don't feel like fully applies is the last one, because I do feel sexual attraction. But then I feel like that kind of likens back to the 3rd point, in which sexual attraction and the desire to have sex are completely separate in my head. When I see someone I feel sexually attracted to, I am more inclined to just want to see them naked or see them have sex with someone other than myself. And as it goes for the 4th point, oftentimes even if I start off having sexual attraction to someone, that attraction is based on a characterisation of them in my head; as soon as I get to know them more, most of those feelings just disappear.

Sometimes I feel like I'm confusing myself even more in my desire to understand my feelings, but I also highkey feel like it's necessary for me to understand how I feel. At this point I've given up on labels. What matters to me more is that I know there's people out there who feel similarly to me and I'm glad that they have shared/labelled their experiences because it helps me understand mine a whole lot better. At this point 3 main characteristics describe me best and overall fit under the general label of bisexuality, which I will continue using as my primary label, even though it leaves out practically every single distinction I could make, but obviously I don't have the time to tell everyone what I've written in this post every time I feel the need to mention my sexuality. The characteristics are: I feel romantic attraction mostly, but not exclusively, to women; I feel sexual attraction mostly, but not exclusively, to men; I have no desire to have sex.

Of course the gender identity of the person of interest would come into play somewhat, but at this point in my real life, I have not had any interactions (that I know of) with people of trans or non-binary identities, therefore it's very difficult for me to say how they would fit into my feelings on sexuality. And this is all because what I've learnt is to not trust my feelings about people I don't know well: this includes all of my relationships (no matter how strong) with people online and people in real life who I either have not talked to or have talked to very little. Because my vision of and therefore attraction to them is based in fantasy and not reality, therefore I do not believe they play into my sexuality the same way people I actually know do.

[manos]

Jan 19, 2020 15:44:14 GMT 1 fuerte (inactive) said:

May 26, 2015 6:37:04 GMT 1 manos said:

idk its just that the most g(r)eeks are racists.

i cant be more late but manos αλήθεια; έχω δεί μερικούς γονείς να το παίρνουν καλά και να υποστηρίζουν. οι πιο μεγάλοι ναι, το καταλαβαίνω, αλλά όχι οι γονείς της τωρινής γενιάς (sorry if i am not allowed to speak greek but i joined here like 2 weeks ago and idk if its allowed)

Ωωω από την οπτική μου γωνία τώρα, συμφωνώ.
Επίσης δεν θυμάμαι ΚΑΝ ότι είχα γράψει αυτό το ποστ.

[fuerte (inactive)]

και εγώ έφταιγα που το έγραψα 4,5 χρόνια μετά

[Josh's Tattoo (Inactive)]

Aug 10, 2018 13:10:08 GMT 1 Josh's Tattoo (Inactive) said:

Ok, so basically my Sexuality is Bi-Sexual, and its basically what Dylan said on his a few days ago. But I like to know someone and have a strong connection with them.

I've always struggled finding out who I was, I have feelings to both genders, But being ridiculed in school about me sometimes "acting gay" does not help at all. But they were just the school bullies that I just have to get over. 

This is probably the first time I've said this outloud. Feel happier saying it now haha. 

But what Dylan said is so right, be proud of yourself and embarce yourself, and don't let Assholes bring you down like I've have been through. 

#beproudbeloud

So I just thought I would update this that I have just come out to my parents that I'm bi sexual. Atm I am happy but overwhelmed at the same time. A big thing for me.
Stilll can't believe its happened. Didnt think the day would come but my parents managed to get it out of me finally.

As I say it's ok to be who you are and don't be scared to be honest with your loved ones. That's what mine taught me.

#beloudbeproud

[Chante™]

The more I grow older, the more I feel unsure of myself and my sexuality and my identity. After sixteen years, I still have no idea of myself. I only can say that I am much more feminine than masculine, while I am comfortably male. I never really had any interest in sex, and having been forced to play basketball with most of my city's narcissistic, rich white boys for over six years made me really repress these feelings out of fear of physical, mental and verbal abuse. I never really considered this over the last I-have-no-idea-how-many years, I still would like to fall in love some time. As of now, I'm going by the label of biromantic asexual. I will probably update this later on, and hopefully I can become more understanding myself. I just want to thank you all on this forum for giving me the confidence to explore the inner depths of my mind, and to truly understand what I am. This is the first place I am laying my cards out, and that's because of all the love I get here as opposed to IRL. 



This video also helped me out a lot in figuring out myself, and I honestly recommend it for anyone and everyone. 

[Callum]

Jan 24, 2015 17:03:54 GMT 1 Callum said:

Oh, I'm asexual. I'm just not interested in anyone at all.

In terms of romance, I'm aromantic too.

I'm A for everything, really!

[kastrix89]

If anyone ever needs a good listener just pm me. Wheather its mental health problems, you think im hot or talk about sexuality or questions about it im here.... Wait a minute one of tbose things shouldnt be there..... Hmmm


I actually can be serious

[тнєяσиттi95]

Hmm i am not entirely sure if i have previously already made a post regarding myself here, but in any case i think i will do so now, since i am kind of bored and trying to figure something to do apologies if some of this is gonna sound random or weird to you or something. I have just never been very good with longer texts and topics i will try not to make it too cringe lololo

---

So if people have seen those Present You posts i have made previously, then you might know that i am straight or a heterosexual.
Basically to me that has never really been in doubt, since i have had many crushes throughout my school years and all and they have always been females. I have always felt attracted to females in my life. I think my first crush happened at around when i was like 10 or something and ever since then i have known my sexuality and never had to doubt it. That might have also always been obvious since i tend to use a lot of avatars of different favorite people of mine, who coincidentally enough usually end up being mostly females

SPOILER: Click to show

If i give a little bit of background of my relationship history, i have been in relationship a couple of times over the years. Earliest real relationship i had was in 2012 and it lasted for like 2 months. A long distance relationship which did not exactly go according to plan  it all just did not end up working in the end. She was such a sweet girl though and she always made me feel good with her, but despite all that it just was not meant to be unfortunately. We were almost like best friends after being separated until something happened, which brings me to my longest and the most recent relationship  that spanned from Autumn 2013 until June 2016. Definitely not the healthiest relationship where i was abused from her side with words and sometimes physically. She was also very jealous which was the reason why i was forced to cut my ties with the girl i just mentioned from my first real relationship. I later went on to apologize to her after we got separated explaining what happened and why i had to do what i did back then, but things just never returned to normal with her and i still blame myself for what happened. She did also cheat on me atleast once i know, but i suspect there could have been more than just one time. I ended up making that mistake with the most recent ex that i still kept trying for so long believing it would all get better eventually, but it never did and after all that i have been feeling i wasted that 2 and a half years of my life being in a bad toxic relationship  When i finally did find out about the cheating thing, that was the final nail in the coffin for us.

So yeah i have not exactly had the best experiences with relationships so far, but as the saying goes you learn from your mistakes and negative experiences and those have also grown me a lot as a person ever since then i have been single searching for the love of my life. Dreaming of one day meeting someone who truly accepts me for who i am and would not try to change me and makes me feel whole with them I am pretty happy at the moment since i am currently talking almost daily and getting to know a girl online who to me seems very nice and the kind of person i have been looking for. So maybe my luck will finally turn and i will end up finding someone who really makes me feel good around them and all wish me luck on that regard

But yeah, back to the topic itself. I guess i got lucky i went the so called "easier" route by knowing right away what i was gonna be and i never had to doubt it or anything. I do acknowledge many people might not know right away and they need to discover themselves proper, which takes a lot of time and in worst cases most of their lives. Some people might even have to hide their true selves because of the fear of how people will end up treating them and all, which to me is the worst thing that can possibly happen to anyone for something they cannot influence in any way. It just makes me feel very sad. It just is not right in any way and i really honestly feel for those people my point is everyone of us is different and all of use deserve to be who we are without needing to hide and all everyone should be free to express who they are equally without feeling ashamed

I guess i am also sometimes feeling like i had an "unfair advantage" in this, because of how i have seen some people suffer trying to discover themselves or indeed having to hide i have a few friends who have went through something like that unfortunately. I just want to say to those people who have or are experiencing anything like that, never feel afraid of who your true self is It is what makes you you and no one should judge you for that or try to force you to change or anything like that

But yeah, on a more positive thing, i must say i really like the huge variety of all kinds of people here on the forums and music bringing us all together as a huge family There should be more communities like this Also i just wanted to let you all know i respect each one of you so much who have been brave to write here so far and also knowing for some it might not have been easy to do

[Ｂ３ＳＴＢＥＡＴＳ]

At this moment, I'm straight.

But, meanwhile I was growing until today, I was feeling myself more femmenine than masculine. I never was good practicing sport at school (Football, basketball,... I think the only sport that I liked was swimming). Until this course, I always was with strong and bully boys. Although I'm a very introvert boy, I can feel me comfortable if I'm with girls.

I don't know what say about my sexuality's future.

[Jan]

SPOILER: Click to show